Personal Counsel

We are constantly influenced and judged by the company we choose to keep close.

Question, If you could choose any 5 people currently living to be your personal mentors and advisors, who would it be?

Better yet, what would be the reasons behind each choice?

My choice was simple, the criteria... A group of strong, accomplished and diverse individuals who each hold vastly different experiences backgrounds and skill sets. The goal to have advisors who will provide multiple perspectives and challenge established opinions with healthy debate. I choose constant challenge and diversity to avoid becoming complacent and stagnant. In effort to keep my eyes and mind open, that I may see in ways I have not seen before and never cease to grow in intellect and wisdom.


Darian's Fab Five:

* Steve Jobs is inventive, creative, idealist, out with the old in with the new.

* Jack Welch is efficiency, productiveness, and cost cutting ruthlessly measured.

* Colin Powel is strength, honor, loyalty, respect, and the walking definition of speak softly and carry a big stick.

* Alan Greenspan is economy, finance, money, and wise investment.

* Lance Armstrong is personal ambition, iron will power, pure unbridled competition, unyielding drive, and a stubborn unwillingness to accept defeat.

My rebuttle to San's ‘Mickey Mouse’ Club…
Sure these are the guys you would take advice from?!

* Tucker Max – An idiot drinking buddy with a handful of STDs and some decent sophomoric jokes.

* Seth Rogen – An idiot drinking buddy with a handful of STDs and some decent sophomoric jokes.

* Bill Clinton – Charismatic, great talker, Washed Up… Next First Lady? He was the most successful president in office only because he did nothing! Genius! That was the whole fucking point of America to begin with, small government, limited and checked power = freedom from tyranny… Bonus, the resulting competition and capitalism found in public freedom creates a successful economy.

* Edmund Morris – Lame old guy who was made fun of growing up the rich white kid in a Kenyan neighborhood. He clearly never got laid and has spent all his days since then hiding out in a library. He wishes he had the balls and moxy to be one of the guys he writes about.

* John Roberts Jr – This was the closest you came to an acceptable choice of counsel. Except that he couldn’t be trusted. He’s the darkest type of liar who would slice his mother’s throat if he thought it could get him promoted, which means he’d do the same to you (duh, he’s a lawyer). Oh and he’s deeper in the closet than Larry Craig, Cruise and every catholic priest, monk and bishop combined… a republican married to the feminist movements ‘closet lesbian’ legal counsel? WTF! Granted, if you have no interest in sex, the marriage, better described as a ‘business union’, does win loads of political approval from the female gender!! Just don’t come out of the closet or you lose it all!!!
*** Think about it => republican-catholic self-hatred, feminist closet lesbian wife, and adopted progeny … he can’t get it up, she doesn’t want it and neither can risk the political fallout of a prescription for Viagra. No worries though, adopting wins big popularity points from the general public these days.

GREED IS GOD

GREED is my GOD. Forget JESUS CHRIST... you believe his bullshit!? Here is a guy who has remained the most infamous and evil personage in HUMAN HISTORY!! HE is responsible for more death and war than dumbass GW BUSH. Jesus was in it for one thing - immortality!

Yes, his entire book reads to one theme, make 'JC' immortal! Praise HIM forever. - Well, I say to all those of you who believe HIM... believe this!

PRAISE ME FOREVER! I AM HE! MAKE ME IMMORTAL!!

Greed is the creed of all great men. Make no FUCKING mistake. Everything can be broken down to the basic human instinct of survival. Try it!

Seriously test it out. Try some bullshit pop-culture brainwashing semantic of the American public... How about ... 'You complete me' ?? Ok, so what does Jerry want, a seriously maniacal mother fucker who up until this point had one goal. MONEY!!

How about Immortality!? Jesus is not my GOD but he is my goal. Jerry is simply searching for the best possible complement to his own genetic structure! Having children with a successful, intelligent, beautiful, compassionate (able to relate to the 90% of the dumbass public still in denial) woman, means an offspring that is likely to demonstrate advantageous characteristics of both parents. BLOODLINE will be improved by this partnership... by this 'You complete Me'.

No, still in denial, then don't worry, but hurry! I don't have that much time left to rehearse your retarded ass! Remember, well saying it out-loud won't win friends, I only write on this Blog for two reasons.

1. The hope that one day I will build a successful business in publishing from this endeavor.
2. Providing sound advice garners attention and readership.

Not one Fucking ignorant loser hasn't heard... 'Nice guys finish last!' or questioned why women consistently call for sensitive funny men, while continuing to date arrogant, self assured, muscular, intelligent men like myself. Make no mistake... there is no doubt.

Women will breed with me, they will FUCK me in the hopes of breeding with me because at the most basic level they look to extend their own immortality, to extend their own Blood Line.

GOD Damn! You still doubt me? Well don't worry, you can ponder this in your shabby shack 20 years down the road, while I sip martini's on my yacht in Monaco! Survival of the Fittest.

Why would a company return 5% of the profit to the community??? Because the 5% is the bare minimum required contribution to ensure a safe environment in which to raise your offspring or if you prefer to refer to it... BLOOD LINE!! By returning 5% of the dolts money to them free of charge, the 'Corporation' can maintain a public image of decency and the safety and standard of living most suitable to spending my Golden Parachute pay package likely exceeding 45$$ Million .... Yeah BITCH, that's per year!

I have no need to pay for or otherwise improve the fortune of the misguided souls of this earth. I am here, I exist... for one singular reason - To improve my own being. I and everyone else on this lonely planet at one level or another subscribe to one rule: Survival of the Fittest.

NO? Then explain your GAY COKE ADDICT, Dick Sucking Leader you Christian Right Wing Mother Fucker!! He didn't give a shit about you, he gave a shit about his own well being, it was this and this alone that led him to lead your spiritual well (shitty) ass being.

My advice: Surround yourself with those who will continually challenge you.

I don't care that it's tough, make it rough, only the strong survive. Encircle yourself with intelligent, charismatic, ambitious, driven and above all competitive friends who will FORCE you to grow and develop! This is the true meaning of 'Keep your friends close and enemies closer.'

Your best friends in this World will not hesitate to 'Outdo' or 'Overthrow' you. They support you for the same reason you support them: Your challenges make each of you stronger. That is the partnership you seek!

The entire credo can be broken down into one single GLORIOUS TRUTH! One Truth upon which all people have survived since the beginning of time.

Competition is THE Beautiful Game!

The Rumor Mill

The Rumor Mill was developed some years back as the disinformation arm or as some have put it “the paramilitary outfit for the Department of Human Resource”. Though the exact date at which "The Mill" was founded is clouded in secrecy, what is known is that it was born after the first female was appointed to head the D.H.R. Today "The Mill" is not exclusive to the female gender; its’ membership crosses gender, racial, age, and sexual orientation barriers. Its main goal and focus is to provide the D.H.R with pertinent information about employees and in many cases exploit that information for corporate gains.

During its’ infancy "The Mill" was generally headquartered at a location known to many as The Water Cooler; but as the world has changed and technology has become more readily available "The Mill's" operations are undertaken in a more clandestine manner. Through the use of email and inter-office instant messaging Mill operatives have been able to move vast quantities of (dis)information to a countless number of unsuspecting corporate audiences.

Much like the location of "The Mill" in a given corporation, its' various locales throughout corporate America have also changed with the times. In the past “The Mill” would have substations throughout a company, but would rarely converse with their counter parts in other corporations. This has all changed. Again, due to the advancement of communications "The Mill's" objectives have grown to include multi-corporation disinformation campaigns. Through the use of undercover office employees and the building of relationships a rumor or innuendo may be spread from one corporation to another. This allows for "The Mill" to exact its influence on its many victims despite if they leave their current position or not.

"The Mill" relies on its vast arsenal of operatives known as "Spooks" to achieve its many and often secret goals. At any given time in any given corporation there may be scores of "Spooks "infiltrating every corner office, board room, and cubicle. Most often a victim will never even know or think to assume that one of their own is a "Spook". Throughout the day most of them will at least attempt to carry on a cover by doing actual work; but more often than not the loose guise of production allows for them to gather vital information.

A Mill "Spook" can most often and most easily by made or outed during after hour work functions where alcohol is being consumed. A key characteristic of a "Spook" is the disdain towards intoxication. A "Spook" believes that the easiest way to gather sensitive information about a colleague is during a situation where alcohol has impaired their judgment. As a "Spook" watches its' cohorts drink he/she will bait their victim with inflammatory remarks about their employer or fellow co-workers. The idea behind leading a victim into a conversation is to generate a true and real opinion someone has about any given topic. For the "Spook" beginning a conversation affords them the pleasure of directing where the topic goes and if they are good at what they do will generate a predetermined response based on previous opinions expressed.

For those who wish to keep their guard up during these many situations, spot out those who are reluctant to accept an invitation to a Happy Hour or social gathering, but always seem to show up anyways. Usually they will order a lite-beer or glass of white wine and nurse the drink the entire time. This is a method "Spooks" employ to give the impression that they are drinking. Their hope is that as others consume multiple drinks they will forget about what others are drinking or how much they have consumed. If the "Spook" has gathered enough information he/she will most often be the first to leave a situation for fear that they too may fall victim to another "Spook" who is pushing them to drink more or stay out longer. A word to the wise is try to pick out those who are out of place and have never seemed to have a natural tendency for having fun; more often than not during an enjoyable experience they will be the ones complaining or sitting in the corner soaking up information.

The Rumor Mill is a vast and complex organization where much of the information gathered is stored away by “Sr. Spooks” for use at a later date. Rarely does a “Spook” immediately release information gathered for fear of exposure. Time is and has always been on the side of the “The Mill”. Not much is known about the inner workings of The Mill, but what is known is that it directly reports to The Department of Human Resource. More will be explained later concerning the Inter-Corporate Personnel Industrial Complex.

The Corporate Coffee Whore

Ever wonder what it takes to really climb the corporate ladder? It’s all in the coffee – forget the damn Kool-Aid. What is it about caffeine that makes an individual lose all humility? It must be their horrendous breath and yellowing teeth that make them so attractive and enticing. These people are drawn to one another in a slew of ego love making. Enjoy thirty minutes of the pleasant aroma, a quick stroll through the corporate commons, and share in the benefits of self-gratification. Copy and paste your “accomplishments” on one another and eventually the disease will spread like wild fire. Individuals quickly notice the success rate of the coffee lovers and adapt to the model behavior. Disregard actual merits and invest in illusion. Your name will surely surface above the rest because you have strategically coffeed, cajoled and caressed your way to the top.

I will be here for the End...

The Corporate World is Fucked up, and the last hold out for any sort of actual production or accomplishment, inevitably arises from one or two departments and beyond that perhaps only 5 to 6 people in the department are driving this success, while Leadership refuses to admit to the real problems. They’re content to pat themselves on the back and run half ass dog and pony shows through all-staff meetings touting that crap as a solution.

This is my Corporate Environment -

Seriously when you can’t hire people fast enough to fill the spots of the people who are quitting maybe it’s time to admit there’s a REAL FUCKING Problem with workload. God I am so tired of the bullshit… yet it will be funny when my entire team quits… save of course the 2 true believers, the one inexperienced newbie and the idealist (10%er as labeled by this corp).

I will be here to see the day they say, “Oh god there’s no one to do the huge piles of work” and the walls fall down around this shoddily managed department. Yet no matter how I pleaded, I was never allowed the appropriate resources or power to make any real changes. I was deemed too negative by their ‘perception’ and my ideas were seen as too broad and expansive an undertaking. Meanwhile, all of management was too busy congratulating themselves for a workplace accomplishment equivalent to a toddler taking a dump in a diaper, to bother including any factual quantifiers in their investigations into the issues at hand.

Finally this will be resolved, but only when there is no one left to blame. Then Management will be naked and exposed for all to see as though they were a junior high student who had just been pantsed. And I will laugh hardily with the knowledge that this day would come.

The Corporate Life Cycle

The meaning of life

If you are not happy don't toil in self-pity and complain, do something to change the situation. Don't make excuses for not changing a particular aspect of your life for fear of what might happen.

Our lives are far too short to spend it worthlessly trying to impress others when the one person we should always strive to impress is ourself.

As I sit here I think of all of my friends who have married themselves away to others at the age of 22 or 23, accepted their fate as an office jockey, and planted themselves a quarter million dollar seed in the suburbs.

Now this is all fine if they were in love with the life they live, but many are not and I am subjected to listen to their complaints. To that I say: Sack up!

Your 20's ought to be spent living for yourself, because until you live for yourself and make yourself happy you can never make another person happy. But if you start your life unfulfilled and not entirely happy with yourself, it is unfair to both you and those around you.

For all those who are Stuck, look at what you want or wanted out of life when you were younger and less jaded and actually take the steps to make that happen.

The path may be difficult and humbling but if you make it through and find yourself happy you have just found the meaning to life.

Round Peg, Square Hole

The following is a public service announcement on behalf of management…

Attention all thoughtless drones…

Forget your individuality and any diverse thought you may have had…

I just spent 15 minutes of a half hour status discussing how perception is everything and while it’s important to build your own brand we need to be aware of how other people view us. And I should change my quote… which sadly I’ve submitted to doing.

However, I couldn’t find any good quotes from Ken Lay or Skilling… any ideas??

I really want a quote that sounds good but comes from the vilest person on earth simply to prove my point. So when I hear feedback …. “Oh Darian your new quote is much much better!” I can reply with thanks, “Michael Jackson said it while he was on trial for child abuse! Glad you like it!”, or “Skilling said that while he was working at Enron!”

Regurgitating to Avoid Proliferating

My Response to the following accusatory statement: "There is no perception is reality here, that motto is bullshit,"


I would never agree with ‘perception is reality’ or much else of the BS HR likes to pass out. HR holds these meetings, acting as though the dispersal of corporate slogans were akin in nobility and import to the cause of ending world hunger.

I’m not taking the pill, or drinking the koolaid. I go to the meetings and smile and when they pass out the pills (BS slogans & propaganda), I put the little colorful and shiny distractions in my mouth and hide them under my tongue. I smile through my pearly white teeth and when the meeting is over I make way to the restroom and spit them out in the Toilet, where they belong.

I don’t care for BS, I only care for doing a job and doing it better than anyone else.