Sunday, February 25, 2007
The Corporate Coffee Whore
Ever wonder what it takes to really climb the corporate ladder? It’s all in the coffee – forget the damn Kool-Aid. What is it about caffeine that makes an individual lose all humility? It must be their horrendous breath and yellowing teeth that make them so attractive and enticing. These people are drawn to one another in a slew of ego love making. Enjoy thirty minutes of the pleasant aroma, a quick stroll through the corporate commons, and share in the benefits of self-gratification. Copy and paste your “accomplishments” on one another and eventually the disease will spread like wild fire. Individuals quickly notice the success rate of the coffee lovers and adapt to the model behavior. Disregard actual merits and invest in illusion. Your name will surely surface above the rest because you have strategically coffeed, cajoled and caressed your way to the top.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
I will be here for the End...
The Corporate World is Fucked up, and the last hold out for any sort of actual production or accomplishment, inevitably arises from one or two departments and beyond that perhaps only 5 to 6 people in the department are driving this success, while Leadership refuses to admit to the real problems. They’re content to pat themselves on the back and run half ass dog and pony shows through all-staff meetings touting that crap as a solution.
This is my Corporate Environment -
Seriously when you can’t hire people fast enough to fill the spots of the people who are quitting maybe it’s time to admit there’s a REAL FUCKING Problem with workload. God I am so tired of the bullshit… yet it will be funny when my entire team quits… save of course the 2 true believers, the one inexperienced newbie and the idealist (10%er as labeled by this corp).
I will be here to see the day they say, “Oh god there’s no one to do the huge piles of work” and the walls fall down around this shoddily managed department. Yet no matter how I pleaded, I was never allowed the appropriate resources or power to make any real changes. I was deemed too negative by their ‘perception’ and my ideas were seen as too broad and expansive an undertaking. Meanwhile, all of management was too busy congratulating themselves for a workplace accomplishment equivalent to a toddler taking a dump in a diaper, to bother including any factual quantifiers in their investigations into the issues at hand.
Finally this will be resolved, but only when there is no one left to blame. Then Management will be naked and exposed for all to see as though they were a junior high student who had just been pantsed. And I will laugh hardily with the knowledge that this day would come.
This is my Corporate Environment -
Seriously when you can’t hire people fast enough to fill the spots of the people who are quitting maybe it’s time to admit there’s a REAL FUCKING Problem with workload. God I am so tired of the bullshit… yet it will be funny when my entire team quits… save of course the 2 true believers, the one inexperienced newbie and the idealist (10%er as labeled by this corp).
I will be here to see the day they say, “Oh god there’s no one to do the huge piles of work” and the walls fall down around this shoddily managed department. Yet no matter how I pleaded, I was never allowed the appropriate resources or power to make any real changes. I was deemed too negative by their ‘perception’ and my ideas were seen as too broad and expansive an undertaking. Meanwhile, all of management was too busy congratulating themselves for a workplace accomplishment equivalent to a toddler taking a dump in a diaper, to bother including any factual quantifiers in their investigations into the issues at hand.
Finally this will be resolved, but only when there is no one left to blame. Then Management will be naked and exposed for all to see as though they were a junior high student who had just been pantsed. And I will laugh hardily with the knowledge that this day would come.
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