Friday, September 22, 2006

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Billy Madison: [grabs 3rd grader's face and whispers] Don't you say that. Don't you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.

Why did I Graduate? Graduation is like marching through a new door, you're filled with curiosity, dreams of grandeur, the professors promised you could change the world. Anything could be on the other side of that door! Just imagine! Up to this point, each time you moved forward something improved. You've been learning and finding new and fantastic things all along the way, from riding bikes to driving, from making out to sex, from mountain dew to beer, from cliques to true friends, from cooties to girlfriends to lovers, from birthday sleep overs to bars, everything gets better! What's next!? Your mind is reeling in anticipation, you look great in the gown, who cares! I want to take the leap, can we speed this line up?!

Big Mistake!

What happened... I'm back in... High-school... back to cliques and gossip, back to desks you never leave, where you left parents you've picked up managers, you went from total freedom to total tyranny. People no longer like you because you're a good person, they only like you if you can get them somewhere. Total honesty dissolved into a batch of lies that HR has kindly labeled into some mindless dribble of a motto, "perception is reality". Grandiose ideas are things you will now be stepped on for having and the beauty of individuality is replaced with a constant drive for conformity. Happiness has been replaced by the need for a regular paycheck.

Why did they lie? Why would the professors push us out to... to this?!

2 years ago even my rainy days were so beautiful...

sleeping in, breakfast, flipping through channels, deciding to skip class (call it a rain day), reading for a few hours, maybe a nap, head to the gym, dinner, more tv, then off to the bar

Monday, September 18, 2006

The Corporate Stooge Game

Definition of Stooge: A person of unquestioning obedience.

* These actions listed below are of a Stooge nature and are deserved of a Stooge point. The idea behind the Stooge point is to call out actions deemed Stooge-worthy, thus mock-able offenses. Points will be accumulated per month and tallied. The sorry bastard with the most points will be responsible for a night of heavy alcohol consumption and a possible recipient of shameful acts.

1. If a person arrives at work prior to 7:00 a.m., 1 point will be awarded.

2. If a person leaves work after 6:00 p.m., 1 point will be awarded.

3. If a person stays later than 5:00 p.m. on a Friday, 1 point will be awarded.

4. If a person comes into work on either Saturday or Sunday, 1 point will be awarded.

5. If one is caught during an All-Staff enthusiastically clapping, 1 point will be awarded.

6. If one is over heard uttering the phrase “help me understand”, 1 point will be awarded.

7. If one is caught having lunch at their desk, 2 points will be awarded.

8. If one has more than 4 coffees (promotion whoring) in 1 month, 2 points will be awarded.

9. If one is caught sending out helpful hints, key learning, best practices, or other informative emails to co-workers, 2 points will be awarded.

10. If a person has less than 5 emails in their inbox, 2 points will be awarded.

11. If a person receives a promotion (warranted or not), 5 points will be awarded.

Currently there are 11 point worthy offenses but don’t worry others will arise


Thursday, September 14, 2006

Introducing the Explorers.. The Bottom 10%

We are the Idealists! We are the Visionaries... We Dream in Colors You've Never seen...

We Created and Built the Worlds Greatest Companies. When we Lead, Nothing is Impossible.














Except for Explorers to be on the top they have to build their empire from the ground up. The other types will never let us through their ranks, they’re scared of our potential and they’re scared of great ideas, like Gizmo was scared of bright lights. They call us not by our true title but have given us their own, bestowed by those in corporate America who fear us, ‘The Bottom Ten Percent’.

Steve Jobs is an Explorer. Steve Jobs is a Ten %er.

Steve built his company from a lowly arcade vendor to a multinational electronics empire. And his creation is wondrous! Don’t get me wrong one day he’ll leave again and they’ll install another boring process improving leader who will steer the company toward the corporate equivalent of an iceberg. The leak will start ever so slowly, no one will notice but the company will rot from the inside. Sure you’ll have a few Explorers trying desperately to bail the water out, but everyone on the upper deck will be too self obsessed and self important to even notice something is wrong they’ll just continue their ass kissing while they hang on to each others coattails. They will all be holding the coattails of the one in front of them spinning round and round in circles like some sick form of Greek dance. Round and round they’ll go. Until the Explorers, deep in the bowels of the ship, finally snap and taking the first life boats row off in search of a new start.

But for now… while Steve is at the helm, the ship is beautiful, the engine powerful, and the places to go are as endless as the bits of light flickering across the water shone from the orange sun teetering on the edge of the horizon.

Warning: Somewhere deep inside of you...

A Little Piece of your Soul Just Died... A Little Piece of your Individuality Just Washed Away... But it's cool you have a Regular Paycheck Right?!

So Question is... How Come Your Soul is so Affordable?


Corporate America had to pay Tom Anderson 580 Million Dollars for His Soul, for HIS MySpace... Tom, you were my friend... why did you have to sell out? Why did you have to give up on us for a few dollars?! Why did you have to give it to them!? It was yours... It was you... And it was Beautiful! Were you still so afraid of being in poverty again?

Nevermind... I know the Answer... Yes, It's Terrifying, That's Why We Did It.

Yet the Truth is that no matter how scared we are of The Cogs, The Other 90%. They are Far More Threatened by Us. They Need to Limit Us, to Hold Us in Check, They Know if We Ever Find a Way to Get Free, To Escape. There is No Limit to What We are Capable of Creating. And When we Build A Better Empire Elsewhere, their Disgusting Facade, they call a Corporation will Begin to Crack.

Beware...

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

One year later...

From an actual work email sent from San to Darian & Sydney.

A whole year has now gone by since we first entered into the hollowed institution known as Corporate America.

At the time we were so young and arrived with so much life and idealism. We came with the thoughts of making a difference, aiding in the expansion of a vast empire, honing our skills in the world of business, and taking our first steps onto a path which would lead to wealth and privilege.

Each of us came from separate backgrounds, but arrived at the doorstep of the Fortune 500. It was the end all and be all of accomplishments; a salary comparable to the medium income of a 4 person family living in the United States, instant praise from friend and family alike, and an air of arrogance with every strut. Once inside the halls of Corporate America we smiled and enthusiastically greeted all as if trying to convince a jury of guilt or innocence. We constantly fretted over our image and perception. Fought over the validity of conversations had with upper-management. Jockeyed for assignments in an effort to prove one’s self worth in front of middle management. Scheduled meetings with those we deemed important in the our placement selection process, even though we were promised office politics was not a company trait

If it came down to it we would have to throw each other in front of a bus in an effort to advance…

This is our life. This is what happiness looks likes

One Year Later…


Stuck.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Random Thought Provoked

Andrea Peyser is really homely, but makes herself feel better by attacking the looks of a female obviously more attractive than herself. Very Darwinian. Attack your competition and convince the boys that despite your akward appearance and poor genetic structure, you are somehow more deserving of everyone's attention.